I recently came across a set of notes I wrote in 2023 while teaching myself to code at age 54. I never turned them into anything at the time. But rereading them now, two years later, I realized how much they taught me about learning, leadership, and persistence. Here’s what I wrote back then.
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I’m learning to code at 54.
Not because I want to be a developer. Not because I want to switch careers. But because once again, I’ve found myself chasing a business idea—and stuck. I needed to build something quickly, and that meant either hiring developers or learning enough to do it myself. No surprise: Developers are expensive. They’re booked. And they don’t always understand what I’m trying to build. Heck, I barely understand it myself. That’s the point. I need to iterate fast, test half-baked ideas, and break things. So here I am. Again.
This isn’t my first time trying to learn programming. It’s probably my third or fourth. Java. Python. Online courses. I always get thrown at the door of object-oriented programming, the great wall that guards the realm of “real” code. I fumble through tutorials. I rage at command-line errors. But this time, I made a decision: I’m going to stick with it. And I’m going to track it.
Why Bother Documenting?
Because documenting helps me learn.
Because reflecting helps me make sense of the struggle.
Because frustration is part of the story.
I started tracking hours, insights, and frustrations. It didn’t make the errors less annoying, but it gave me perspective. The log reminded me: “You’re not an idiot. You’re progressing. You’re learning.”
In Week 1, I logged:
- Hours: 5
- Insights: 4
- Frustrations: 2
By Week 3:
- Total Hours: 26
- Total Insights: 43
- Total Frustrations: 19
Turns out, those frustrations often mirrored insights. Sometimes I needed to reread something eight times before it clicked. Sometimes it didn’t. But often enough, the struggle preceded understanding.
The Black Box
This is what learning feels like: I’m typing exactly what the instructions say, and nothing is happening. I have no idea what to do next. I’m trapped. Stuck in a black box.
That’s the emotional reality. The intellectual challenge is one thing; the emotional one is another. I’m a seasoned professional. I’ve changed careers. I’ve taught myself to paint. I’ve learned languages and sports as an adult. But none of that makes it easier to be a beginner again.
This isn’t just about coding. This is about learning something hard, when you’re used to being competent.
Two Strategies That Helped
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Keep your head down and breathe. Literally. I reminded myself of open water swimming: Jump in, start moving, panic, then settle into the rhythm. In coding, that meant sticking to my calendar blocks, trusting the process, not quitting.
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Track insights, not just outcomes. Insight isn’t just solving the problem. It’s learning how to approach the problem. Over time, that reflection builds confidence.
Going Pro (Sort of)
Around Week 2, I upgraded to the Pro version of Codecademy. That small commitment added a layer of accountability. Suddenly I had access to quizzes and projects—and a little more skin in the game.
By then I had learned a few hard truths:
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Developer tools don’t behave like normal software.
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Menus don’t appear until the right conditions are met.
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Tools are built for people who already know how to use them.
It’s not malicious. It’s just the nature of the work. The same can be said for leadership: The tools are available, but you have to earn your way into using them effectively.
What Leaders Can Learn from Learning
This process has reshaped how I think about leadership development. We often talk about growth mindset, resilience, and navigating complexity, but this experience reminded me just how visceral learning can be.
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Tools are confusing—not because you’re dumb, but because they’re layered and context-sensitive.
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Syntax is unforgiving, but the underlying concepts are teachable.
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Frustration is the learning. That’s where the shift happens.
I see now how simulations, like the ones we use at Insight Experience, are designed for exactly this. You’re thrown into a realistic, complex, and ambiguous scenario. You might feel a bit lost for a moment, and you might even make a few mistakes. Then you start to get it. Leadership is learned through experience, not lectures.
You’re Not Alone
I wrote this not because I think I’m an expert, but because I know I’m not. And I suspect there are a lot of other adults trying to learn new skills who feel the same way.
If you’ve ever thought:
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“I’m too old for this.”
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“I should be doing something more productive.”
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“I’ll never get this.”
You’re not alone.
And if you’re leading others—or trying to—maybe your next breakthrough isn’t about mastering a new strategy. Maybe it’s about becoming a beginner again.
And maybe that’s what leadership growth really looks like: learning from uncertainty, facing struggle head-on, and sticking with it when progress feels invisible. That’s the kind of learning we aim to foster through our business simulations, immersive experiences where leaders grow through challenge, reflection, and progress that sticks.
